Buyer Beware: My Electric Flosser Tried to Kill Me

I’ve never told anyone this story. It’s embarrassing and the thought of telling someone only to be upset when they mock me made this something I’ve kept to myself for years. Unfortunately, there are inherent risks to today’s fancy gadgets and while some can improve your life, some do have their downsides.

A few years ago, I was seeing the dentist for my routine cleaning and we went through the regular motions of, “Are you flossing regularly like you should?” and my usual response of, “Yeah, but probably not as much as you’d like.” So he asked me if I liked gadgets and my ears perked up. He told me about water flossers and said that they are more effective than regular flossing and since it stays next to your sink, and you’ll see it every time you’re at the sink, he’s found that people are more likely to use it. This intrigued me. The idea of a Super Soaker for my mouth sounded like fun, then add-in the fact that it was for the betterment of my own health… how could I refuse?

So I went online and found the best bang-for-my-buck water flosser. This thing had everything I needed: a tank reservoir of 600ml, multiple flosser tips, 10 levels of water pressure, and a retractable cord on the handle? All of that for the price of $35?! It practically bought itself. 

Two days later my package arrived. I tore the box open with no consideration for a possible future return. The idea of the device was simple: plug in the power cord, fill the water tank, choose my flosser tip, choose a water pressure setting, and point at the base of my teeth.

Everything was going well until choosing the pressure setting. I had to find the perfect number on the dial between 1-10. I set it to a 4 and pointed it at where my teeth and gums meet. It was too soft providing more of a tickling sensation. I increased the setting to an 8 and almost blasted right through my gums. There wasn’t a “Plaque Attack” setting on this and I think my gums were softer than I realized. 

Trying to dial it in to the perfect pulsating pressure, I pulled the flosser away from me to re-examine the stream. I took my eyes off of the flosser’s tip and reached for the dial to adjust it. My hand rotated just a few degrees and before I had even noticed, my flosser began to water board me; shooting water into my nose and hitting some kind of “button” deep in my nasal cavity. 

My knees buckled and I fell over. To make things worse, I hit my throat on the edge of my vanity on the way down. Once on the ground, I was willing to accept death (if it chose to show its face). I don’t believe I blacked out but after a few seconds lying on the ground I noticed that I was getting spritzed with water. The flosser was still after me! It was spewing its water at me even while I was on the floor! It was taunting me while I believed I was on death’s door. 

I slowly got up and unplugged the flosser. It had won the day. I threw a towel down on the wet floor and lowered my head in shame as I went to lie down. I couldn’t even look myself in the face.

I don’t know if you’ve taken a good shot to the throat but the pain lingers. My throat was sore and I was still coughing from the attempted uprising by my newest appliance. It took a long time to fall asleep that night. Every swallow was a constant reminder of the beating thrust upon me - that technically, I paid for! 

The next day I awoke to a sore neck and a still-broken ego. I walked to the bathroom and looked down at the flosser. I was humbled. I put the handle back on the base and brushed my teeth with a new appreciation for my electric toothbrush. I didn’t floss that day.

I’ve never heard of another person that lost a fight to their electric flosser. I seem to be alone in that aspect, but handle them with care and trepidation: yours might just be waiting for the right moment to strike!