I Now Live in a Town Without a Denny's...

Once upon a time, in a faraway land where night owls roamed the moonlit streets and Walmart was open 24/7, there existed a few trusted restaurants, a trifecta of sorts, that kept the late-night party going when all other’s had closed shop. These cherished establishments promised greasy sustenance to fuel all nocturnal wanderers long after the sun had set. But then one day, the world changed forever, and COVID-19 made late-night eateries a thing of the past. So, here I stand, a lost soul in a town where the culinary clock strikes midnight far too soon.

In this brave new world, finding a bite after midnight has become a Sisyphean task. My town does boast a White Castle, but it betrays the history of the late-night grub by closing its doors promptly at 12 AM during the weekends. Frankly, who in their right mind craves a White Castle slider before 1 AM? It's like craving pumpkin pie in July - it makes no sense.

The Fast Food Migration, as it's known in my circle, usually kicks off with visits to Wendy's and Chick-fil-A during daylight hours. But lo and behold, when their doors are shut tight, and the night owls are left famished and forlorn, alternatives must be located. These people would usually descend upon McDonald's and Taco Bell like a swarm of ravenous locusts, but as the clock ticks away, even these stalwarts of caloric excess shut their doors, leaving those in need scrambling for the last vestiges of greasy salvation.

Enter the Late-Night Trifecta: Denny’s, Waffle House, and Steak ‘n Shake. Where angels fear to tread, and where diets go to die. These are the places that offer food that "hits the spot" - but only as long as it lingers on your tongue. The moment you swallow, the countdown begins. You have an hour, at best, before your body reminds you that it's time to pay the piper. A well-timed milkshake will help keep the vomit at bay and if you’re lucky, the sugar rush will give you extra time before the dancing swords in your stomach send you running to the bathroom.

In the cold light of the bathroom, illuminated by the flickering fluorescence of regret, the Bowl of Truth awaits. It is here that the echoes of bad decisions reverberate, and where the only sounds one can utter is an anguished prayer uttered through gritted teeth. This porcelain oracle doesn't mince words: you chose this path, and now you must face the consequences, hot-ass and all.

But let us not dwell on the dark side of these late-night sanctuaries. Instead, let us remember these establishments for what they truly were: purveyors of comfort food for weary souls who find themselves insatiable in the wee hours of the morning. While the rest of the world slumbers, wrapped in the cozy embrace of their beds, we night owls indulge in the sweet, sweet freedom of late-night feasting.

So, here's to you, Denny's, Waffle House, and Steak ‘n Shake. You once ruled the nighttime. Leaving your establishment just as the sun began to illuminate the morning sky was a welcomed end a long night. I fondly remember you and the memories you gifted me and my comrades. You may have served us questionable food routinely, but you also warmed our hearts and filled our bellies at the darkest hour. For that, I shall forever remember you fondly and in your memory, we must continue the nightly quest for midnight munchies in this cruel, Denny's-less, Waffle-House-deprived world, where even a Steak ‘n Shake cannot survive. My friends and I now wander these streets as we did once before, but without a late-night beacon, we are all just ships in the night.